What's the Plan Now?

And the Bible study continues! This week's chapter is called "The Battle Begins." Man, oh man, is God speaking to me during this teaching series at  First Baptist of Jacksonville, NC. Pastor Jason Brinker is really bringing The Word in a real applicable way. You say you have faith? Then what does that look like?

First, let's start with who I admire. Some of us look up to celebrities or philanthropists or, God forbid, politicians. I look up to my grandmother, Bobbie Jean Headrick Bradberry. What a woman! She was not your typical preacher's wife. When she got up in the morning and her feet hit the floor, the devil woke up and said each day, "Uh oh. She's awake." "Big Nanny," as we called her, had nerves of steel and if you didn't know it, she had the mouth and gumption to tell you all about it. Widowed in her early forties, she raised three girls on her own, worked full time, and took care of the house. I always thought she was incredibly strong. She taught me to shuck corn, hull peas, make corn bread, and fry tomatoes. I loved her. She is my hero. I want to be as resilient as she was. All our heros deliver from an obstacle because they are obedient when they can't see God's plan.

So, what obstacles is God calling us to be obedient through? Obviously I am concerned about my husband getting a job, paying Lily's medical expenses, and helping Lily develop as normally as possible. It is easy to focus on my own story and immediate concerns. Sometimes I see the size of the problem and then I walk away and miss out on the promises of God. However, God is more concerned with the "upper" story of my life. "God has a "five year plan" that concerns our faith" (Brinker).

In Numbers, chapter 13 the Israelites were afraid of the obstacles in front of them. They wanted to inherit the Promised Land, but their fear continued to dominate them and so they turned away. We all do this. We all want to run away from difficulties, but we must remember we are more than conquerers! The Lord promised the Israelites Canaan and he has made promises to us too. Don't turn away yet; the best is yet to come!

God is preparing me right now for what will be required later on. "Why am I going through this difficult time?" Look back ten years from now and you may see why. Two years ago I did not know why our family had to deal with such a difficult pregnancy, but God was developing my faith then and making me stronger for now. Lily's uncertain future two years ago is helping deal with our family's uncertain future now.

Now for those Israelites. You want the Promised Land? Then you have to go through the rushing, bursting, swift Jordan River to get there and Joshua took them to the banks of the river. The Lord says, "I am not paring the Jordan River until you step out in faith and you put your feet in the water."

How can this be applied to my life? I will never see the Jordan Rivers of my life part unless I am willing to step into those waters on faith. This is faith that I be willing to step out and trust the Lord. And God has delivered me from adversity repeatedly. He does it daily. And yet when I see the next obstacle I question God's ability to conquer it. Pastor Brinker instructs that, "courageous faith is stepping out on the promises of God and speaking of what hasn't happened as if it already has." And many times he gives us victory in a way you would never imagine.

Israel's next obstacle was Jericho. "And God's big plan to bring it down involved a marching band and a prostitute" (Brinker). Sometimes following God does not make sense and this is one of those times. Joshua thinks Jericho will fall in a great battle. But God says no and instructs his people to take a walk, play some music, and trust in the help of a prostitute. And the crazy thing is that the plan works!

"Courage is not the absence of fear; it is moving forward in faith in spite of fear. Do not look at the size of the obstacle; look at the size of our God! Everything changes when we stop focusing on our smallness and focus on God's bigness. Faith is the victory and not the battle" (Brinker).

This is going to be a process for me because I struggle so much with negative thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, and fear. Just today I was in tears as I talked on the phone with my mom, June Whiten, about Lorelei and Lucas needing me to help them with homework, Lily crying for dinner, Bo not being able to help because he is working again, the mounting medical expenses, and I hadn't even started dinner yet. I get overwhelmed so easily and I have to remind myself constantly to be 1) thankful for the chaos, 2) continent in my situation, 3) humbled by God' grace, and 4) hopeful for God's promise. 

Our next wall of Jericho is getting Bo a job. Since he did not get the job in Connecticut, we have decided to use our tax return because it would be best for him to go to Tennessee for two weeks and get his A and P License, making him more employable. We will also add Lily's Occupation Therapy to her weekly medical appointments starting in April. I will just take off work whenever I need to and take the pay cuts. But on the other side of these walls there are blessings. I am actually happy we won't be moving to Connecticut. It would have met a financial, but it certainly would not have made us happy. God knew our hearts! And I know the blessings on the other side are wonderful and the Lord is using this to build my faith and trust in him.

Did Big Nanny feel this way ever? I am sure she did. She just didn't show it as easily as I do or cave under pressure the way I do. Well, at least she didn't in public. The devil is going to have someone new to be afraid of now. :)