Wandering: The Space Between

Since January, my church has been studying The Story, by Randy Frazee. It is the entire Bible as told in one long narrative. Not intended to replace the Bible, it is intended to supplement the knowledge you already have and experience it in a new way. Right now we have made it to chapter 6 where the Israelites have been brought out of Egypt and are now wandering the desert as they travel to the Promised Land. A trip that should have only taken them about 11 days ends up taking them 40 years. Why? Complaining. What is to follow here are my reflections on this week's reading, sermon, and how this applies to my life.

I tend to focus on where I am going and how long it will take me to get there. Case in point: When I put into my GPS the address of my destination, it tells me an estimated time of arrival. Of course, I don't see it that way. I see it as the time to beat :). So instead of enjoying the journey, I only focus on how much time it may or may not take me to beat the estimate given to me by my GPS. I never take a different, longer path and I never stop, if I can help it, to view the sights along the way. And as humans, we often prefer the direct route because it saves time. But if you know God, he rarely takes the direct, most obvious route anywhere. To him, it is the journey that matters and not necessarily the destination.

"Wandering" is defined as living in the space between where I started and where I want to be. In fact, we spend the majority of our lives in this "wandering" phase. The Israelites were living it as they wandered the wilderness, following God, and wondering when they would ever get to their destination, Canaan. It does feel like I will never get to the other side of my wilderness. When will my husband get a job we can rely on? When will Lily finally be able to walk normally? When will we get to a point that our schedule is not so crowded? When will we be financially stable and afford the medical costs? And we feel like we can't relax until we get to our destination. Unfortunately, it takes a long time and I, just like the Israelities, have spent most of my journey complaining.

As a result of their complaining, the Israelities were punished because their complaining showed a lack of faith in God and in his word. Even though he had performed great miracles for the people, they still grumbled about the provisions God blessed them with. The food was not good enough. Moses spent too much time on the mountain. Water was not plentiful enough. On and on they made their dissatisfaction known to God. Moses spoke on their behalf, often asking God to be merciful toward the "stiff-necked people". God was merciful, but there was always punishment.

I know this is how I sound to God. My complaints are numerous and range from rising health care costs to having my husband be gone frequently to work. Dare I say, I even complain about Lily's progress, that it is not fast enough or significant enough. How foolish I have been! He didn't even have to save Lily's life and yet he has done this and so much more. He has removed almost every single negative effect from her medical conditions. I, too, have been a stiff-necked person. And my punishment? The Lord does not need to punish me because I punish myself by seeing little joy in my life and only focusing on the struggle ahead and behind. What a waste of my time!

God is more concerned with who we are becoming than where we are going. When you are whining and complaining you have taken your eyes off God and you don't trust him. Numbers 11:1; 4-6 and Philippians 2:14-16 contains references to this. Do not allow your life to be tainted by a complaining spirit. Do you not know who your God is? He is always with you and he HATES whining. As I am sitting in church listening to this sermon, there is no doubt that this message is for me. I am getting the Lord's message loud and clear.

People who complain lose the ability to see the hand of God and the blessings in their lives. Negativity and a complaining spirit ruins everything. I have a "friend" who I used to love hanging out with, but her life was complicated and her complaining escalated. As a result, I stopped hanging out with her, returning her text messages, or posting on her facebook wall. Her negativity drove me away and now I never see her. Complaining is a spiritual issue that robs you of happiness, which is why, lately, I have seen little happiness in my own life. Even more rare are encouraging words from friends, whom I have driven away with my own negativity.

Here are some hard truths about complaining: 1. Complaining brings a curse on your life. Exodus 16:2-3 explains that the Israelities brought about their own curse because of grumbling. 2. Complaining magnifies the wrong, minimizes the good, and causes you to miss what is most important. In Numbers 11:18-20, God is giving his people perspective. You don't like the food I am providing for you and you would rather have meat? Fine. You shall have meat until it is coming out of your nose and ears. What a strong statement the Lord is making here. Just like the Israelities, we all need perspective, including myself. 3. Complaining is the opposite of worship because is minimizes God. Daily, moment by moment, God is pouring out his blessings on our lives and we rarely see them or thank him. We should worship him with everything we do because he has poured out immeasurable and undeserved blessings on our lives. 4. Complaining is worship of self and a sign of pride; this is idolatry. In Numbers 14:11, God is expressing how his feelings are hurt because his people still do not have faith in his promises. So often we don't turst him, despite all the blessings he has poured out on us.

The big idea is all of this is that a complainer feels that everything that God asks of them is too much and everthing God has done for them is not enough. Is this truly how I feel about God? NO! I am humbled daily by all that he has done for me. I do not deserve the life I currently have because I have been wretched and undeserving in the eyes of the Lord.  Why would he choose to save my little girl Lily from the horrible effects of her strokes and hydrocephalus and, even more importantly, why don't I thank him more often for it? Why should I complain about our financial "struggles"? I have food on the table, clothes on my back, love for my family, awesome friends, and a loving husband. Bo has two jobs now and yet I complain about the one he doesn't have, yet. Truly I have been ungrateful. It is time my attitude changes. Why should I expect life to get easier? It was never promised to me in the first place and it is certainly much more blessed because of God.

So how do I live the wandering phase of my life well? By having a thankful spirit!